[originally published in decomp journal] [revised 2024]

As she crammed her lunchbox amongst the others in the teacher’s lounge refrigerator, Lauret thought about how today was Jacob’s last day. As she walked past walls decorated with colorful paper wolves made by first graders, she thought about how, in the beginning of the year, Jacob had run away from her down that same hallway. When she heard “Miss A!” from small voices and “Good morning” from her coworkers, she wanted to respond with “Who is going to help him?” and “Why not wait until the end of the school year, at least?”, but instead she distributed the expected hugs and smiles.

On the playground, the early morning air nipped at her nose. As usual, several kids huddled near her; everyone shivering together. The playground slowly filled with life as the children trickled into school, many still half asleep with bed heads, others already screaming and racing like meteors. Lauret watched them all passively, one eye focused on whichever child had managed to win her attention for that moment. Everything was a balancing act. Lauret juggled her thoughts about Jacob in the back of her mind, covering them with an easy smile. At her elbow, seven-year-old Violet appeared wordlessly, eyes down. Lauret placed her hand on her shoulder and the two began shuffling away from the group. Some of the kids tried to follow, but Lauret shooed them away. 

“How are you?” Lauret asked.

Violet pointed her thumb down.

“Yeah, I get that,” Lauret sighed.

“It’s Jacob’s last day,” Violet said, looking up at Lauret with big brown eyes.

“I know. How do you think he’s going to be?” Lauret asked.

“Not good,” Violet said, shaking her head and swishing her thick ponytail. 

“I know,” Lauret agreed. 

The bell screeched over their heads, but they didn’t flinch. Lauret squeezed Violet’s shoulders and walked with her to line up with the rest of her second grade class.

An hour and a half later, Lauret’s reading intervention group was interrupted by a call from the office summoning her to the front of the school. The Special Education teacher, to whom Lauret was an aide, stepped up from her desk to continue the lesson. 

As Lauret approached the main entrance to school, she saw the principal holding the door open, Jacob’s mother standing in the doorway, and the school secretary chasing Jacob around the front lawn. The principal’s and Jacob’s mother’s faces lit up in relief when they spotted Lauret approaching. Already smiling, Lauret stepped between them and called out in one melodious note, “Jacob!” 

Jacob continued to soar like an eagle, arms out, head low. He swooped in one victory arc before gliding to her side and calmly following her into school. 

“How are you?” Lauret asked as they passed the colorful wolves.

“Bad,” Jacob answered, bobbing his head as he walked.

“We’re going to have a great last day, alright?” Lauret tried.

Jacob shrugged, “Maybe.”

Lauret delivered him to his classroom, exchanging a knowing glance with his teacher, Mrs. Davidson, as she closed the door. Jacob slid silently into his seat next to Violet, who smiled at him over her shoulder. Jacob smiled back, not because he felt like smiling, but because he was always happy to see Violet. As their teacher droned on at the front of the class, Jacob secretly poked Violet with whatever he could find. Violet was always patient with Jacob, and today she savored his ability to pull her away from the boring moments. She had a lot of friends, but none like Jacob, none who made her feel like there was another world to escape into. 

At recess, Jacob wanted to play tag. Most kids were tired of the old game, but almost every day Jacob tried to elect someone to chase him around the playground. Most days his peers said no and Jacob abandoned his efforts altogether, but everyone knew that today was his last day. Violet’s tennis shoes bit into the pavement as she raced after Jacob, reaching out to him, the hood of his coat just beyond her fingertips. Jacob hid behind Lauret, who stood in the middle of the field, expressionless behind black sunglasses.

“Miss A! Miss A!” Jacob sang, tugging on her arm to break her poker face. 

“Jacob! Jacob!” Lauret responded, unable to resist a smile. 

Jacob tossed his head back and cackled. Lauret beamed down at him as Violet skidded to a stop, followed by several of her classmates.

“Ok! Go play!” Lauret commanded, gently pushing Jacob towards the swarm of second graders.

Jacob took off with Violet at his side.

“Why is today your last day, Jacob?” a classmate named Kyler asked. He was smaller than the rest of his classmates, but never let that slow him down.

Jacob scrunched his face, stuck out his tongue and then ran away. 

“He’s going to live with his dad. His mom lost the custody battle,” Violet explained before taking off after Jacob.

Jacob’s breath pounded through him as he ran. Everything was going to change, and he hated change. He thought about how his dad treated him like he was normal, even though his mom never did. Things his mother let him get away with, like his tantrums or hyperactivity, his dad refused to tolerate. The caseworker said the same thing in the courtroom, as if it was his mom’s fault that Jacob never felt like he belonged anywhere he went. Sometimes when he was with Violet he felt better, like someone actually understood him, or at the least didn’t mind if they couldn’t. 

“I don’t want to go,” Jacob said to Violet as she approached him. 

“We can still get married, when we’re older,” Violet offered.

“I know. We will. I don’t like my dad, though.”

“Yes you do. You miss him all the time.”

“But now I’m never going to see my mom!” 

Behind them, Lauret blew her whistle and all the second graders rushed back to her. Kyler had captured Lauret’s attention for a rare moment. She smiled warmly down at him, nodding along. Kyler was a kid she worked with often, but since he was in the same class as Jacob, a lot of Kyler’s support was sacrificed for Jacob’s needs. Lauret thought about this often. Mrs. Davidson told her not to feel guilty about it, but she couldn’t help it. Lauret was young enough to believe she could still save them all. 

When Jacob saw Lauret talking with Kyler, he broke into a run. 

“My Miss A! Mine!” he screamed as he ran into Kyler as hard as he could, pushing him to the ground. 

Lauret gasped and checked to see if Kyler was hurt. Jacob’s fists shook at his sides as his face filled pink. Then he turned and sprinted across the field. Lauret inhaled deeply. She instructed Violet to stay with the dazed Kyler and took off after Jacob.

Across the field, Jacob paced. He knew better than to push Kyler, he knew Miss A knew it too. No one seemed to care what he wanted; no one was looking out for him, why should he? So what if he got in trouble? Hot energy pulsed through him, making his hands and face itch. 

“Jacob! Come tear out grass!” Lauret called.

He turned around and saw Miss A sitting in the middle of the field. He rushed to her side and dove to the ground, gripping fistfuls of grass and sending clumps of dirt into the air like fireworks. In the past, when Jacob’s emotions were beyond his control, ripping grass calmed him. But today, Lauret watched his hands race to the ground faster and faster, like he didn’t know how to stop. It wasn’t enough. He wanted to rip the whole world apart just so he could put it back together in a way that made sense.

“Jacob!” he heard Miss A shout.

“What?” he snapped, turning to her, noticing a fracture in her usually calm expression.

“I’ve been saying your name,” Lauret said. “Let’s do some deep breaths.”

“No!” Jacob shouted, throwing the last handful of grass towards the sky. “I don’t want to take deep breaths! I can’t do it! I can’t!” 

“Jacob-” 

“NO!” he screamed, slamming his fists into the ground so hard the earth rippled beneath them. 

Jacob pounded into the ground, shaking the whole field like waves in the ocean. From his red face, he released a scream so intense that Lauret had to cover her ears. She was fully aware that the power of this kid’s emotions was nothing short of extraordinary. 

“Jacob, please,” Lauret tried. “It’s going to be ok. I promise you.”

“Oh I’ve heard that one before!” Jacob shrieked, eyes wide. “And you know what? It’s never true. It’s never ok! Bad things always happen, just when things start to get good. So don’t promise me anything!” 

“Jacob-”

“Go away!”

Lauret glanced at the grass around Jacob’s feet. Smoke rose from his soles. She smelled the beginning of the burning. 

“Jacob…”

A thin ring of fire spread from beneath him. A black circle of grew outwards from his feet as flames ate up the dry grass. 

“Deep breath, Jacob, please,” Lauret tried, inhaling deeply.

“Panic!” Jacob screeched.

He sprinted across the field, leaving a trail of black foot prints outlined in livid red sparks. Flames erupted from every step as he ran across the field. The torched patches of his footprints merged together into a low line of orange, devouring the dry grass. Jacob collapsed with wails of agony as the fire closed around him. With each cry, the fire flared taller, reaching for the sky like a tower. He was barely aware of the smoke and heat, it was nothing compared to the meltdown in his mind. His world was ending either way, and he would take down everything with him. 

With her jacket pressed to ground, Lauret chased after Jacob, smothering the smoldering grass as quickly as she could. The de-escalation trainings provided by the school didn’t prepare her for this, because in real life, when all hell breaks loose and a child is caged in their own blaze, all that’s left is one’s own human instinct. Lauret’s instinct screamed at her to save the child, no matter if she got hurt in the process.

Without hesitation, Lauret wrapped her jacket around her face, tying the arms tightly behind her head, preparing to barrel through the fire and come out the other side with Jacob. She pressed her feet into the earth, ready to leap, when she heard someone screaming her name. 

Out of the school burst Mrs. Davidson waving a fire extinguisher. 

“Cover your face!” Mrs. Davidson shouted. 

Lauret’s fingers had barely crossed her eyes when she smelled the chemical powder. White foam doused the flames until the field resembled a fresh layer of snow.

“Are you alright?” Mrs. Davidson gasped.

Lauret nodded and hurried over to Jacob.

At the center of the now white circle, almost six feet across, Jacob held himself in fetal poistion. He was untouched by his disaster, unlike Lauret whose face was powdered with ash and her hair singed. As he cried into his knees, Lauret and Mrs. Davidson put their hands on his back. Slowly he lifted his face to them, rosy cheeks glowing with tears. 

“I’m sorry,” Jacob whispered.

“It’s ok, Jacob,” Mrs. Davidson promised.

“It’s ok,” Lauret agreed. 

“Can I stay with Miss A for a bit?” Jacob asked.

“Jacob! Jacob! Are you alright?” Violet called as she ran up behind them, holding a bottle of water in her hand.

“Violet, I told you to stay in class!” Mrs. Davidson scolded.

Violet ignored her and went up to Jacob. They looked at each other and then to Lauret.

“I told the teacher there was a fire,” Violet said.

“How did you know?” Lauret asked.

“I smelled the smoke,” Violet explained. “I know what it means.”

Mrs. Davidson nodded wearily.

“I’ll go call Jacob’s mom. C’mon Violet,” Mrs. Davidson said. “Let’s let them cool off.”

Lauret released an involuntary laugh and Mrs. Davidson winked. Violet followed after her teacher, looking back at her friends before reentering the school.

“It looks like a lollipop,” Lauret said, pointing at the long trail of burnt grass that led to the burnt circle.

“Lollipop burnt flavor,” Jacob laughed.

“Uh oh, someone burned my lollipop,” joked Lauret.

“Hey, why did you burn my lollipop?” Jacob squealed.

The two continued bantering as they walked away and sat on a bench under a large tree, out of sight of the field. A large yellow school bus pulled into the parking lot, prematurely ready to fill with children. Birds chirped above them, flitting from branch to branch. Jacob looked up at the tree. An airplane cut through the blue sky, grumbling distantly. Calm cascaded around them.

“It sounds like summer,” Jacob observed.

Of all the things to say, Lauret thought. 

She watched him gaze into the distance with clear eyes, still expecting him to burst into tears and cling to her. His face was contemplative now, causing him to look older than his seven years of age. Lauret tried to think of something to say to bring closure to their journey together, but she was too exhausted to think. They sat in silence, letting the sounds of summer twinkle around them, a reminder that the world kept turning through it all.