Just Love Him

Hiding under his desk
	Seven years old, slowest to grow in his whole class
				On a lucky day he shows why he’s so bored in math
				When others count on fingers, he’s breezing past
Gray eyes staring into nothing/everything
Does his mom know he needs a haircut
Unsafe at recess, everyday
Twisted shit, like titty twists
Pushing, pinching, choking
Melts in my lap like a baby, I forget he’s so small
Breathing slow, eyes closed
Heartbeat in the hollow of his neck
Stroke his forehead slicked with sweat
His teacher will try anything
On her knees like she’s praying
Sacrificing the momentum of the class
To coax a single student back to his desk
Doesn’t work, she calls support
Its me and the psychologist
She knew him back in kindergarten
When grandpa belted him to bruises
And twin sister scratched when no one was looking
Which was often, because it was apparent at the first conference
That his mother carried no sentiment.
School blamed it all on her apathy 
Condemned them to CPS and court ordered therapy 
I ask what I’m supposed to do with this kid
And the team says, “Just love him.”
.
Expert work avoider
One mistake and he’s in the corner
Worksheet crumpled on the floor
He can’t hear what we’re saying anymore
					Different kid soon as we’re outside
					Not much of a consequence 
					For his violent disruption
					It can’t hurt to let him have a good time		
Every reaction is a firecracker
No logic lizard brain
His teacher preaches patience
Out of the few ideas, this ones the best
As he does anything he can to escape
This classroom is his cage
I block the door
He punches and screams,
Tears up the room, comes apart at his seams
					He softens in the wake of his hurricane
Cleans up his mess without me saying a thing
Organizes the books he threw on the floor
When ready, he meets me quietly at the door.
.
Pushed over a desk, almost hit someone
				In the hall, he wants to hug everyone
Headbutted me in the hip in front of his class
                                 Kindergarten teacher’s sadness with him in her lap
Screamed so loud I almost cried
				We sit together in the hallway, silent and tired
Banged his head on his desk on the last day of school
                                  Gap toothed smile and eyes like pools
Threw a rock, it hit me in the head
Said he didn’t remember doing it
				We have to believe him, but he could be lying
				This is his primal key to surviving
All of it interpreted as a misunderstanding of right and wrong
Being abused by all the people you love can do that to someone
I know he’s special because to be so broken 
Requires an incredible depth of emotion
He doesn’t have words for the things he feels
Just the dark blue vein in his forehead
And a vacant look he wears like a shield
The school doesn’t know how to sustain him
They have to send him away
Despite it being necessary
My heart will break on his last day
Because I carved out a space
For a boy alone in the world
And at the same time, I was finally cured
Of this heart I carry around like a ball and chain
He gave it a home within his own pain 
All the grace I’ve been cultivating
Was relieved to a weary soul wholly deserving